Monday, April 30, 2007

Chamber Music Concert

Another night with the Studio. The annual guitar chamber music concert was delightfully entertaining as usual. Everyone putted on a great performance. I joined the small gathering at Mathews afterwards before returning home to study up on my Spanish music history before my trip. Lately I've spent more time at the Sibley Library than I did while I was doing my degree program...just can't stop studying!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Saturday, April 28, 2007


A friend pasted away last summer. His wife was a wonderful pianist from the Eastman School of Music. Was, until she decided to give it up recently because it has become too painful. I remember attending the memorial service in Toronto with many of my colleagues and professors. It was one of the most moving services, filled of music performed by close friends. Music has always been an important part of my life but something happened at the memorial; it was the first time I truly felt it, I mean, really felt deep in my guts the way music connected everyone. Surely, I haven’t been playing much lately and honestly, it haunts me every single day. I know, and Petar knows, and Nicholas knows that the I am only truly happy with my guitar. I try to forget that at times, but there is no escape from music; it consumes me. I can’t imagine life without music. So many songs I know come with personal stamps of memories, places, people, events, special moments in my life. Regardless of the genera, there is nothing like experiencing a moving piece of music.

The philosopher Goethe once said that architecture is frozen music. Despite the fact that music marks the passage of time, when one is at the presence of true beauty, the globe stops spinning for just a moment like the very first kiss with a lover.

To Aaron Brock, the purpose of life was "to create moving musical experiences towards the pursuit of happiness." We miss you.


पीपुल तेंड्स तो थिंक ठाट वूमेन अरे मोरे एमोतिओनल थान सेक्षुअल् कोम्परे तो में। सुरेल्य तेरे अरे तिमेस व्हें ई गेट अत्ताचेद फ्रॉम हविंग सेक्स विथ सोमोने ऎंड फील तेर्रिब्ले आफ्टर अ वन निघ्त स्टैंड। इत हस बीन अ वैरी लॉन्ग टिम सिंस ई दीद ठाट तो म्य्सेल्फ़। स्टील, तेरे अरे तिमेस व्हें ई जुस्त रेअल्ल्य वांट तो हवे सेक्स! ई वांट तो बे लिके अ गाए ऎंड जुस्त गेट लैड विथ नो फीलिंग्स, नो स्ट्रिंग्स अत्ताचेद। माय्बे इत विल नेवर बे कोम्प्लेतेल्य उनत्ताचेद व्हें ई हवे सेक्स बुत इत इस निस नॉट तो फंड आउट फ़ॉर नोव। माय्बे ई हवे फिनाल्ल्य ग्रोवं एनौघ तो क्नोव नॉट तो हर्ट म्य्सेल्फ़ अन्य्मोरे।

Friday, April 27, 2007

Mr. Bigs

Had breakfast with Bigs today. There was a time when we talked everyday now I barely see him once a year. It was nice to catch up with him on the happenings of our lives. I’m not complex but there are only few people who really get me. I think in some ways he understands me. It's comforting to believe that we’ll always be friends, maybe not the kind I get to see very often, but nevertheless, we’ll be friends, call me naïve. And even he’s going to be married off soon. I guess I’m approaching an age when everyone I know is settling down and having kids. Great, one more reason to leave Rochester, there’s no one here to hangout with anymore. I had last Friday night free and absolutely nothing to do! All I got was a voice mail from Rach saying she’ll be staying-in to watch TV with her boyfriend. It’s nice to not have a boyfriend, less luggage for traveling.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Lately it seems that everyone I know is either having a baby or going through some sort of transition. Remember that fork in the road? Yeah, I wish I was there! Instead I’m stuck in limbo going through a roundabout so quickly that I can’t even see the exits anymore. Should I stay in Rochester? Go back to Buenos Aires? Travel (if so, where and when?)? Teach English in foreign countires? Get my masters in music? Work in finance? Work in China? Move closer to my parents (in Indana?!)...?
All I know right now is that I'm going to Spain in a week and hopefully that'll take my mind off of things.

I'm Chinese, get it right!

Ok, people, once and for all I like to clarify that I am Chinese! I was born in Hunan, which is in central China (most of you know it from Hunan chicken on the Chinese menu). I have been living in Rochester, NY the past 10 year and I am a US citizens. I am so sick and tired of people making guessing my ethnicity a pass time hobby! I am not here for your entertainment! Just to give you an idea, here are some of the things people ask me all the time:

“Wait, don’t tell me! You’re Korean aren’t you?!” (I particularity hate this one not because people mistake me for being a Korean but it is the guessing part that annoys me to no end)

“What are you?” (What kind of question is this??? I’m a human being? Did you think I was a chipmunk?)

“How did you get here?”(I swam across the Pacific Ocean and hitchhiked here from LA. How did you get here?)

“Is it hot in China?”(What? I know some map-challenged people have “mistakenly” bombed the Chinese embassy and all but please stop confusing China with Indonesian islands!)

“Are there a lot of people in China?” (Yes, 1.2 billion mostly concentrated on the east coast).

“Are you a communist?”(Do you define yourself as a capitalist? Communism is not a religion! Just because I am Chinese doesn’t imply that I am a communist. Do you want people to think you’re all royal Bushies just because you live in the US?)

“Which country do you like better?”(Which parent do you like better? Your mom or dad?)

“Do you have to get married to stay here?” (NO! And if I had to get married it wouldn’t be with you!)

"Is there Christmas in China?" (Not in a religious sense...Mao said "religion is poison")

"What day do you celebrate the Lord's birthday?" (Ok, I just explained that we don't celebrate the Lord because we don't have one and if we did we would celebrate it on the same day!)

People think it's dangerous for me to travel outside of US by myself...try traveling through small towns in Indiana where people have never seen a Chinese person before, I tell you that's scary!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Car for Sale

Decided to sell my car today. I love driving it but there is no reason to be paying for something I'm not going to be able to enjoy since I'm out of town so much. Besides, the idea of staying in Rochester just for the car is ludicrous! So if you or someone you know might be interested in a 2005 Infiniti G35 Sedan, manual 6 speed, 298HP, 3.5L, V6 let me know.

Monday, April 23, 2007


I saw this card in one of the stores near Pittsford canal on Sunday afternoon. I love to collect cards and I had to have this one! Why didn’t I figure this out 13 years ago?? It would have saved me a lot of time. I finally picked up another hobby: traveling, and even that gets dangerous.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Happy Birthday Justin!

Birthday cake with legs.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Day at the canal

First day warm enough for a dress. Afternoon walk on Pittsford canal.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Happy 4/20

After a long delay, spring is here at last! I can wear skirts and have the sunroof open while driving. My car is so much more enjoyable when the weather is nice. Better watch out or I'll get a speeding ticket.

Finally told my mother that I’m going to Spain next month. I didn’t think it would be appropriate to tell her the day I leave like I did when I went to Argentina. She already thinks I’m crazy so what’s one more trip going to do. Just wait until I tell her I’m going back to BA in the fall…she’ll really love that.

Worrying about kids comes with the territory of being a mom. I’ll probably be much worse than my mother when I have my own kids. Sometimes she comes up with ridiculous things like “you better stay home for a while so people don’t mistake you for a Korean!” Of course, she wasn’t serious when she said that (if that was the case I'm really SOL since my own mother thinks I look Korean), but she is serious when she nags me about settling down and getting a reliable job soon.
Surely there are lots of things I’m suppose to be doing other than traveling. Anyone who knows me doesn’t seem to think I would really enjoy working a 9 to 5 job. Many people had made that comment to me in the past two weeks. What exactly should I do? Being a tango shoe model can’t exactly be a career. Where is Alexander Petrovsky when you need him? I spoke to the manager from Waddell & Reed yesterday and scheduled an interview for a financial planning position next week. He sounded very interested in hiring me but I don’t think I’m ready to work just yet.

I went to Jason Vieaux’s concert at Hochstein School of Music this evening. It has been five years since I last seen him during my audition at the Cleveland Institute of Music. Jason is an amazing performer, precise and musical. Somehow everyone from Eastman arrived at different times but all sat in the same corner. Judging from bobbing heads around me we might as well be at a rock concert. Jason really rocked out with some Bach (PFA), Albeniz, even the Argentine chacarera from Jose Luis Merlin’s Suite del Recuerdo, and arrangements of Pat Metheny.


Picture was taken by Dan with a infrared camera this evening. I have done many wonderful projects with Dan over the years. One of the first photos we did together was featured on the Kodak screen at Time Squre in NYC.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Sunny Afternoon

It was the sunniest and warmest afternoon here in Rochester since I came back. On rarely occasions Rochester is actually a very beautiful place to live. If anyone asks me what my favorite thing in Rochester is, I know it is Eastman. I miss it everytime I'm away. The music community here is simply amazing like no others. I have always felt immensely privileged to be amongst such passionate people who are absolutely dedicated to their arts. There are so many great performances happening everyday in various concert halls in the school. I went to the Eastman Wind Ensemble concert at Kilbourn Hall tonight. Although the Mozart Magic Flute excerpts were a bit less than exciting, the acoustics in the hall was lovely as usual. If I were ever to become a ghost, Eastman is surely going to be haunted.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Studio Class

Went to the guitar studio class at Eastman this evening; it is where all the guitar students gather every Monday night at Howard Hanson Hall (or the HoHa, as we like to call it) to perform for one another and get feedbacks from colleagues and the professor. I miss being part of the studio so I continue to show up in class and pretend that I’m one of the students. Besides, I don’t play much now so I can really sit back, relax and enjoy listening to everyone. I sat next to Dr. G today and spoke to him about my travels and upcoming trip to Spain. More than a professor, Dr. G has always been a great mentor and close friend to me as well. In his words I need to go and “renew my vows”. I want to see the origin of the instrument and what inspired composers like Albeniz and de Falla to write such beautiful melodies. Unfortunately I won’t be traveling with my guitar this time for logistic reasons. It’s almost like going on a honeymoon without a lover!

Monday, April 16, 2007


As explained on Wikipedia: while panning for gold, some mined ore is placed in a large metal pan, combined with water, and agitated so that the gold particles, being of higher density than the other material, settle to the bottom of the pan. In some ways memory works the same. Despite the delicious steaks, coffee, sweets, milk and the beautiful parks and crowded milongs, as time passes I know it’s the people that I miss the most. Upon inspecting my calling history on OneSuite I realized that I have talked to Rose for 430 minutes in the past 15 days since I came back from Buenos Aires, that’s over 7 hours total! Thanks Rose for the good advises and emotional consolations!

My favorite song from Everything But the Girl:


I still haven't got over it even now.
I want to spend huge amounts of time on my own.
I don't want to cause any serious damage.
I want to make sure that I can manage,
because I'm not really in your head,
I'm not really in your head.

And I see love and disaffection
and the clouds build up and won't pass over.
This is my road to my redemption.
And my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.

I still haven't got over it even now.
I want to spend huge amounts of time in my room.
And I'm not coming out until I feel ready,
not running out for a while my heart's unsteady,
and I'm not really in your head.
I'm not really in your head.

When you sky falls to minus zero,
well some things must disappear.
Oh this is my road to my redemption.

And my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.

The names may have been changed but the faces are the same
The names may have been changed but as people we're not the same.

And I'm not, no I'm not, no I'm not
really in your head.

And my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.
Yeah, my life is just an image of a rollercoaster anyway.

Tea with a side of snow

Another late start for a Monday: making some tea for my last alfajores. Although the snow is not as bad as the weather service had predicted, it's hard to imagine a day in April like this, and the lilacs are suppose to be blossoming in a month?

Sunday, April 15, 2007


I miss Sundays in Buenos Aires, where everything is quieter and more peaceful. Talked to Rose this morning and found out that she will be staying in BA until September. I can’t wait to meet her again, perhaps on the 29 on our way to San Telmo. It’s amazing how close Rose and I have become in just two short months. I even miss her more than the alfajores! I loved exploring the city with Rose, going to the milongas and trying different restaurants together. She might not have been great with directions but she still is the coolest travel companion. Our trip to Bariloche was one of the happiest days ever! We were ecstatic to have arrived to such a beautiful place. After taking the cable car to the top of Cerro Otto and had coffee at the Giratorio (?) we went to a steakhouse called El Boliche de Alberto for an unforgettable dinner (absolutely the best bife de chorizo ever)! Trust me, I can go on and on about our happy days in Argentina

So the plan for now is to spend May in Spain and stay in Rochester for June, July, and August and meets Rose in Rio in September before going to Buenos Aires for the winter (or their spring and summer). I can’t wait!!! Just the thought of going back to BA brightens my day in the cold and grey Rochester.

April snow shower

It’s starting to snow outside, wet and dense, perfect time to start my blogger site. I can often be quiet around others, but I don’t consider myself a private person. I like the idea of sharing my thoughts, sometimes to the extent of making a fool out of myself. I can tell anyone anything about myself, but never everything. I simply don’t know everything. I enjoy living in what some people would consider a delusional world where I can dream up just about anything and try to make them come true. It is only amongst uncertainty can one truly be free to imagine myriads possibilities. I’m not rich but I spoil myself whenever possible. Henry James once said that someone is considered rich if she can afford the requirements of her own imagination.

I want to live out my life and not vicariously through the lives of others.
Do you have unlived lives in your veins?


“She was wrong, but she believed; she was
deluded, but she was dismally consistent. It was wonderfully
characteristic of her that, having invented a fine theory, about
Gilbert Osmond, she loved him not for what he really possessed,
but for his very poverties dressed out as honours. Ralph
remembered what he had said to his father about wishing to put it
into her power to meet the requirements of her imagination. He
had done so, and the girl had taken full advantage of the luxury.”

-Henry James “Portrait of a Lady”

Sunday, April 1, 2007

I want to see you again

I thought it was bearable until Rose asked me “don’t you wonder what would have happened if you stayed?” My heart pounded so heavily if it was going to jump out of my throat at any moment. When the plane finally took off, I cried. I cried because I will never know the answer and for a person who leaves no stone unturned, it was worse than a death sentence. Her question tormented my soul. There were times when I thought I couldn’t get through another second unless I jump back on that plane again. Still, I had to calm down and wake up to reality. Maybe I will never find out what would have happened. But that’s ok. We had a great time together and let’s just leave it at that. Still, I can’t go on not think of him everyday and night.

Two weeks away it feels like the whole world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it till tomorrow to unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back in my flat on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch sunset
I don't have time
I don't have time

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

Tomorrow's back to work and down to sanity
should run a bath and then clear up the mess I made before I left here
Try to remind myself that I was happy here
Before I knew that I could get on the plane and fly away
From the road where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch sunset
And take my time
Take up our time

I wanna see you again
Two weeks away, all it takes to change and turn me around, I've fallen
I walked away and never said that I wanted to see you again.

"Sand In My Shoes"