Somehow I felt a bit more at ease now that I have identified my problem and fear. New age people always preach about the “laws of attraction” and the fact that our fears will always come true. I suppose there is a difference with admitting your fears and ignoring them in a dark closet. Until I bring them to the light I can’t manage them with logic or rationality. Some how it’s easier to have identified my struggles and make small conscious modifications than to change unconsciously and at the same time fight those changes on a subconscious level. If you think that sentence sounded confusing you should see what’s inside my head.
We all know about the tree scenario: trees that bend in the wind always outlive the ones that doesn’t. You see this is where my Chinese-ness came in. I was first introduced to that idea in 9th grade, two years after I moved to the
Anyways, to make the earlier statement clearer, I’m the tree that bends in the wind but didn’t want to. Now that I have come to term with the fact that bending is inevitable I can manage to give in consciously just enough to avoid the breaking point instead of bending unknowingly and unwillingly and fight that unconsciously all at the same time. At least there’s a bit less angst.