Monday, May 3, 2010

Lately

It's been a while. Many thoughts have came and went but none mature enough to put down in words. There has been a myriad feelings of angst, frustration and boredom despite my effort to look at things in a more positive light. It's commonly known that people go through midlife crisis at one time or another as an last attempt to reconnect with their childhood dreams only to submit to reality of family life where they are no longer the living a life of their own. What is less discussed is the post college trauma where idealism meets the harsh world of pragmatism. I had been putting it off for quite sometime by traveling to foreign countries and exposing myself to like-minded and often times non-career driven hedonistic wanderers whose only goal in life is to experience what the world has to offer with total disregard for the mundane and frivolous societal pressures. I was one of them, for a while.

Just few days ago someone asked casually, what do you like to do for fun? A rather thoughtless and non-threatening question by anyone's standards left me somewhat speechless. I was completely stunned by my lack of ability to answer such simple question! I'm not one to make things up on the spot for a satisfactory answer. I used to take my fun very seriously and I wanted to give a thoughtful answer. Instead, I said, now that I work, I really don't have much time for fun. I do go to the gym everyday now and as the weather gets nicer I look forward to take my little row boat out to the canal and the Finger Lakes. Wow, is this when I actually start sounding like a responsible adult?!

It's been a while but I have not forgotten what it is like to be a stranger in a strange land where everything is novel and intriguing. I knew very well in my mind that what I had was temporary, however real it felt at the time. Now as I take the first steps into what is expected of me, I can't help but to feel that this is merely a transitional period like most religions believe that we are all transients. I can't tell if I am actually transitioning or simply denying the realness my rinse and repeat corporate lifestyle. Still, before I get too far off track, I booked my flights to Rome for Thanksgiving.