Saturday, January 8, 2011

Chinese Mothers

There is a great article on the Wall Street Journal today written by Harvard Law Professor Amy Chau on "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." Having grown up in China I can most certainly attest to the parenting methodology described in the article, although not from first hand experiences. That probably explains why I never made it to the Ivy Leagues.

Honestly, I find this article to be extremely enjoyable. Finally, someone who can verbalize Chinese parenting style in layman's term to incite angry American readers to call child services! I think it takes one to know one. From the outside you can criticize and debate the merits and shortcomings of Chinese parenting styles until you're blue in the face. One thing you can't deny is the disproportionate number of Chinese kids in Science Olympia, Ivy Leagues, top programs in every school and every major search lab in this country. When was the last time you saw a homeless Chinese person?

From the Chinese perspective, it's all business as usual. The "Chinese mother" is not going out of her way to do something counterintuitive to her own motherly instinct. But rather, that's just how she handles and deals with things. The politically correct thing everyone is going to say is everything is great in moderation. Well, moderation = mediocrity. Have fun at that. I don't think Ms Chau's parenting method is flawless but I will defend her to the N-th degree. The truth is that we can all sit around and talk about parenting like there is no tomorrow but at end of the day you've got to have your kid to show for. Chau's kid can play the Little Donkey and your kid is just chunky.

And yeah yeah, everyone thinks his/her kid is best kid who ever lived on this planet (that is until they have more than one, then what?). Honestly I'v never heard any Chinese parents bragging about their kids the same way I've seen from my American friends. For one thing they tends to have some sort of standard and also they value modesty.
There is nothing worse to a Chinese parent then having less than straight A kids. Anything less than top grades will most certainly brings shame to the family name! Just about every kid I grew up with, including my cousins, is familiar with the painful sensation of a leather belt against their bare skin. I was spared from such treatment not only because my parents weren't around but I don't think they would be quite like that.

My father was very strict with me when I was very young. I remember the spring after I turned 3, I stayed home alone while my father went to work not far from our house (my mother's work place was much farther in downtown Beijing). Every morning before leaving for work, my father would write down a couple dozens of math problems for me to work on. Things like long additions, subtractions and eventually simple multiplications and divisions. He would come home during lunch time everyday to check my results. Some days I didn't get to eat lunch because I had wrote down a wrong answer. One day I had an apple. Of course, at the time I didn't realize just how strange it was to leave a 3-year-old at home by herself with math homework and no lunch. I didn't like it much at the time but it didn't do any harm and I sure am not scared for life or anything. Because of parents like my father, I too excelled at math in American schools just like all the other Chinese kids did.

Of course, I don't have any kids, just two cats. They are on a better diet than majority of the population out there. When one of my cats tries to eat food out of the other cat's bowl I would take him to a separate room for a time out. I'm Americanized enough to use the dryer but still Chinese enough to not put my outer clothes into the washer after only wearing them once. Any kids I encounter are likely to be subjected to strict parenting; however, I tends to be much more patient with them than I do with adults.

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