Monday, April 4, 2011

Train Ride

I woke up this morning to the sound of falling rain drops like one of those relaxation settings on a clock radio. I smiled, what a lovely day to take a train ride to Vienna, the imperial city, once the music capital of the world.

Work gets in the way of travel. Sometimes I manage to forget the thrill of being on the road but as soon as I embark on a journey, however short or insignificant it may be, I am instantly reminded of who I am and what I live for. At the hostel there are countless others like me and when I'm on the road I never have to defend myself for traveling.

These are the moments I live for. Some little girls dream of fancy weddings. I never had such fantasy growing up. In fact I don't recall feeling very strongly about becoming anything in particular until my high school years. The only thing I did know before then was that I wanted to travel. I can pin-point to the exact moment when that seed was first implanted in my then impressionable young mind.
I had just turned 5 and my father was preparing to move to West Berlin. Before he left he promised me that someday he'd show me the world.

Although that promise was never fulfilled, those words alone have sparked my imagination as a child. Years later my fascination with history and music further kindled my curiosity to travel.

It is true that I've never dreamed of a happy-ever-after story but I do enjoy watching those sappy wedding shows on TLC from time to time. I find it intriguing to hear young couples talk so highly of each other with what seems to be profound geniality, respect and affection. Phrases like soul mates, best friends, meant-to-be sound so implausible that I can't ever imagine using them to describe anyone.

On the last season of America's Got Talent, there was a couple of ballet dancers married to each other. They managed to advance pretty far in the competition. One evening Nick asked the girl how she felt. Tears ran down her face as she responded “when I was a little girl I wanted to dance and fall in love. Now I can do both.” For the first time today I understood maybe just a little of how she must have felt. This is what I've always wanted to do and I am doing it!

My mother, like all Chinese mothers, is a tough lady to please. Besides, people are often their own hardest critics. When I talk to the right people they help me to feel a sense of accomplishment. In reality, there are very few instances when I feel truly proud of myself. The only such moment I can identify with absolute certainty was when I saw my professor in the green room after my senior recital. Til this day I can't distill all the emotions that ran through my mind. Everything just came out in a big burst of tears. Today I feel a little bit of the same sentiment as I watched rolling hills in the countryside become blurry with tears.

Life would have been entirely different had my father stayed in China. Life might even have been different if he never uttered those words to me me. I'd like to think this is what my father would want me to do and I'd like to think he'd be proud of me.

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