Saturday, October 1, 2011

Justified

This is the kind of thing that's only funny when it happens to other people. I've been known to keep things from my parents more for their benefit. They probably would have heart attacks knowing even half of the things I've done. Some of the things I keep from them for my own sanity even though them seem perfectly harmless.  When I moved for my last job in Minnesota I didn't tell my folks until a month after I moved there. I was much more forthcoming with my relocation here since it's so close to them and I've already seen them when I had the interview here. Still, with so many things going on and me on the verge of reaching my tipping point with the China trip I intentionally told my parents the move was a week later than the actual date. I know how absurd this sounds but today that decision was unfortunately justified.

Having been here a week already and got everything set up I phoned my parents and informed them I'm just now driving to Champaign. Last night I assured mom that I drove in safely and have checked into the hotel. Although I've never done this before I asked if she had any plans for the weekend, to which she answered no.

Before all this move took place and before I even interviewed for the job I've made it clear to my parents that no matter how close I live I won't have time to visit them all the time and they shouldn't insist on visiting me if I have other things going on. In order to get me to agree to move here mom reluctantly agreed.

I called her this morning but she didn't answer.

10:30am I get a call from mom and this was the conversation:
 "Where are you? We're here."
"Where? In Champaign?"
"Yes, We're here. Where are you? We can come meet you."
"That's ok. I've already got plans for the day. Besides, we've already agreed that I'll invite you guys over once I get settled in."
"We just want to see you. We can help you find an apartment. There won't be anything for us to help once you get settled."
"I don't need your help. I've got a lot of things to do today. I'm not going to argue with you on the phone. We've agreed on all this before. If you want to visit you make sure you call me ahead of time."

Mom was furious. She handed the phone to my stepfather. He tried to talk me down to have lunch with them and allow them to be part of my apartment tour but there's no talking through my hard head.

I don't need your help or your opinion. What a wonderful daughter I've become!

From their perspective I've just gotten into town late last night and now I need to look for apartments and start a new job on Monday. Who in their right mind would think this as an appropriate time for a visit???

People this is precisely why I delayed on telling them about the move. I can't imagine having them do this to me had I actually arrived in town last night. I probably would have had a mental breakdown. There is no changing people. You can only anticipate and do what you can to mitigate the issue. The problem here is my mom acting like a crazy stalker.

They called a few times in the afternoon but I held my ground and never met up with them. I know it's terrible but I've got to draw the line now to make my life tolerable for the next couple of years. The last thing I need here is to have my parents randomly show up on my driveway when I'm not expecting them. Anyone with kids knows that you can't reward bad behaviors. The same goes for parents. I'm sure they'll get over it and I'll get settled and actually invite them over.

No comments: