Sunday, December 25, 2011

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Specturm

Overtime the word "happy" seems to have made its way to becoming the definitive word for life's accomplishment. When asked, what do you want in life, the answer is always circles back to "just to be happy." It is the default thing to say when there is nothing else more meaningful in its place and who can make an opposing argument for the desire to be happy?

I distinctively recall a time in the last semester of my high school years when I consciously decided that to live is to truly embrace ones emotions, whatever they may be. We human beings are blessed with a full spectrum of sentiments. The degree to which we explore and experience them is directly related to the fullness of our lives. Certain experiences rush you to the high while others drag you down to your breaking point. While we are young and resilient we are suppose to push our limits to define new extremes. It is through turbulence and repetitive calibration do we truly find ourselves. The more thoroughly we define our range of emotions the better we are prepared at handling whatever life throws at us later on.

Do I really believe in the pursuit of happiness? No. I want to feel every bit of raw emotion I can squeeze out of life, however pleasant or revolting it may be. To me life always felt more real in sadness and despair. There's beauty in many sentiments much more appealing than happiness. Yearning and nostalgia are two that immediately comes to mind.

George Carlin used to say if your needs are not being met, drop some of your needs. Happiness is overrated, unrealistic and unnecessary. Start enjoying your other messy chemical reactions. After all, feelings are like tastes, no one I know has expressed an overwhelming desire to only taste sweetness while attempting to eliminate all other flavors. 

Monday, December 5, 2011

Reboot

People always say behind every good man there is a great woman. Sometimes the opposite is just as true. I have to admit that life was easier believing someone out there loved me. It didn't matter if the safety net really existed in reality. I don't choose to be strong on the outside, nor is it an artificial way to hide my weaknesses. This is who I am. Confidence is built, humbleness is learned. Beneath the tough exterior is a whole messy of vulnerability, idealism, generosity and sentimentality. It has been a teary couple of weeks. Nothing comes easy, especially with closure. Everything has a process and now, after four turbulent years, is time to move on. Still, I'll always be there. That's just me.