Sunday, January 29, 2012

A New Chapter

Another day to relax before going back to the grind. The afternoon was spent on Dorado beach, about a half hour away from downtown. The drive there through the forest and montains was beautiful. The beach has long been a favorite hangout spot for the locals on the weekend. It's low tourist season now so the beach was sparse other than a few local families. The town is less built here and once you walk pass the public beach there is a long strech of untainted soft sand, palm trees and blue water.

I walked on the beach for a long time, taking in the sun. The water was warm, almost surreal. Unable to shut off my mind I thought, this is how it's going to be: me, alone in paradise.

Some women are blessed with wonderfully pleasing temperment, some are gifted with the skills to create such illusion, I manage to be an epic fail at either. Enough time has been wasted being delusional in thinking that somewhere out there in the big world there is someone for a little messed up weirdo like me. It's time to put that thought to rest and move onto plan B.

There is no guaranty in life and the only way to predict the future is to create it. Nothing is permenant except what I create as my own: knowledge, experiences and small realizations of life. There is no short cut or knight on a white horse. Now it's the time to spit out that apple pit and get my shit together.

This is not cynicism nor do I feel even the slightest sense of defeat. Life is complicated and even more so are relationships. It is what it is and I'm ok with it.

After a period of confusion, sadness, disappointment and even panic, I'm ready to turn the page and start a new chapter. The intermission is over. For the first time in ten years my mind is clear and I can feel strongly about something, something I can manage. Strong? I don't know but resilient I would like to be. I can actually say I'm happy.

In order to get a jump start on the next chapter this blog will be put on hold until June 15th so I can focus...like a wirewalker. :) Don't worry if you don't hear from me. Keep your fingers crossed for me. All is well. Stay tuned.

Isla Verde

1 comment:

Shaman said...

Greetings from Russia. From the Kuban steppes.

У нас холодней :)