No emotion is more comforting than the feeling of being understood. And no one makes me feel more understood than Dr. G. Seeing my reflection through his eyes makes me feel beautiful inside and out. The conversation we had at Spot was one that I wish I could have recorded so I could replay it on demand.
It is not the uncertainty about the future that concerns me but rather the wavering of my internal compass. Up until now I've always had a strong desire to do something, a clear direction to be somewhere. Whether it was good or bad, right or wrong was not important. What was important was the fact that I lived with convection. I knew the reasons behind every step I took and that belief carried me through every time when my decisions fell short of a popular opinion. And there were lots of those times. I could have defended every action of mine with great passion and I always believed it when I said I have no regrets in life. Go was the only gear I had. After all my travels, all the relationships, all the rushing around I have now come to a screeching halt. I no longer know where I am going or why I am doing the things I'm doing. I have a full tank of fuel and nowhere to go.
We weren't going to solve my problems over lunch. No one can. Deep down I know that one way or another I will eventually find the way to my next adventure. I don't know how, where or when it's going to happen. I just know I have to remember who I am and stay true to myself in order to rekindle the fire within.
Dr. G reminded me that I am an authentic and expressive person. I always did what I wanted to do. I've been so occupied with being myself for the last few years I don't know what to do next. Even though I always seemed collected from the exterior, I've never attempted to mask any of my feelings. I might think of myself as introspective, which I do, from the outside perspective I am a performer. No matter what I did, let it be tango, music or keeping a blog, I am constantly finding outlets to express myself. What a lovely assessment! That's the person I want to continue to be. Authentic and expressive. Stay true to those two and the next adventure can't be that far away.
It is not the uncertainty about the future that concerns me but rather the wavering of my internal compass. Up until now I've always had a strong desire to do something, a clear direction to be somewhere. Whether it was good or bad, right or wrong was not important. What was important was the fact that I lived with convection. I knew the reasons behind every step I took and that belief carried me through every time when my decisions fell short of a popular opinion. And there were lots of those times. I could have defended every action of mine with great passion and I always believed it when I said I have no regrets in life. Go was the only gear I had. After all my travels, all the relationships, all the rushing around I have now come to a screeching halt. I no longer know where I am going or why I am doing the things I'm doing. I have a full tank of fuel and nowhere to go.
We weren't going to solve my problems over lunch. No one can. Deep down I know that one way or another I will eventually find the way to my next adventure. I don't know how, where or when it's going to happen. I just know I have to remember who I am and stay true to myself in order to rekindle the fire within.
Dr. G reminded me that I am an authentic and expressive person. I always did what I wanted to do. I've been so occupied with being myself for the last few years I don't know what to do next. Even though I always seemed collected from the exterior, I've never attempted to mask any of my feelings. I might think of myself as introspective, which I do, from the outside perspective I am a performer. No matter what I did, let it be tango, music or keeping a blog, I am constantly finding outlets to express myself. What a lovely assessment! That's the person I want to continue to be. Authentic and expressive. Stay true to those two and the next adventure can't be that far away.