Saturday, May 4, 2013

Comfort

"You feel good."
"You say that every time"
"That's because you feel good every time."
"What does that even mean?"

I couldn't come up with an answer other than that he felt comfortable. Without reference points, we perceive each experience in isolation. When we wreck up enough battle scars, we start looking at things collectively. We start realizing that true comfort between two people is in fact a rare occurrence. After all this time, I could count on one hand the people who I feel completely comfortable with. It's not that I'm trying to persuade him of anything, nor am I offended by the fact that he hasn't the remotest interest in me or at least that he is aware of. One person can have a unique take on things but it takes two people to create the kind of comfort space we have. I do wish he could for one second open his eyes to see just how precious these moments are. Instead, I just have to enjoy it for both of us.

Life can't be lived backward. Sometimes we have to go out for a very long way before we realize that what we are seeking was in fact right in front of us the entire time. Yet, we continue to make up excuses on why we can't simply reach out and grab hold of the things we want. At first I thought I'd find a place I want to settle down at. Maybe somewhere warmer and closer to the ocean. It didn't take me long to realize, all this moving around, advancing in career and higher education is just a very long and circuitous route to get back home. There are many things I don't like about Rochester but I miss it dearly. My heart is open but for now, Rochester is where home is. 

No comments: