Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Perfect

Everyone has their opinion of what constitutes a good life, things I should be doing that are good for me. In a perfect world I would be fluent in reading and writing Chinese. I would devote a hour each day reading Chinese newspapers and magazines. I would practice the guitar and teach lessons on the weekend to retain the skills I worked so hard to acquire. I would exercise everyday, alternating strength and cardio training. I would run 20+ miles a week. I would drink eight glasses of water and get eight hours of sleep each day. I would spend ten hours each week volunteering for a cause I believe in. I would eat more vegetables and lesser meat. I would have the perfect figure and perfect skin. I would have the most gentle temperament and rarely raise my voice. I would call my relatives in China every month. I would be a perfect daughter. I would do everything in moderation. I would meditate everyday. I would let things slide and never sweat the small stuff.  I would easily let go of people who are not good for me.

But this is who I am. I never get eight hours of sleep even on the weekends. I exercise sometimes but never consistent enough. I have forgotten how to read and write Chinese. I never call my relatives in China even though I miss them dearly. I haven't played the guitar since my senior recital. I don't eat enough vegetables and when I'm hungry I just put a slab of meat on the stove. I get breakouts. I get mad. I get attached to the wrong people and sometimes I get caught up in the small stuff. I am far from being perfect. Somehow I've got to let go of all the should-s and just be. Life moves forward. Every now and then we have to let go of something old to acquire something new. 

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