Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Heat Wave

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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Restart

Starting is hard. Restart is just as hard. After 6 months of absence I feel the need to pick up writing again. The semester flew by just as I thought it would. I'm not afraid of height but I've never quite managed to keep my eyes open on that big drop on the roller coaster. However, rather than waiting for the ride to finish, I'm going to keep my eyes wide open this time, observant and receptive of everything around me.

Civil procedure, criminal law, legal writing, tort. Although the course work was challenging, it was nothing I couldn't have handled. Everyone warned me of the horror of first year law school. I mentally prepared myself for the worst but the worst never came. Half way through the semester I started to freak out about why I wasn't freaking not. I was on pace with class reading, outlining as I went along and even managed to read a law review article or two published by my professors. The study of law turned out to be meditative. The amount of reading is relentless. It doesn't pay to think about it, strategize it, question it, schedule it, or delay it. All I needed to do was to just do it and keep doing it. It'll take however long it's going to take. There is a time for everything in life and this is my time to do the task at hand, read.

I finished my finals today. I've learned a lot and I've prepared well. The rest is not up to me. I'm thrilled to be given a fair opportunity to succeed. I know what it is like to let that opportunity to slip by. I also know too well what it is like to not been given a fair chance to shine. It's an amazing feeling when all the stars finally line up. This time I'm ready.

I'm might not have the highest grade but one thing I know for sure is that I've lived a very full semester. I went to amazing concerts, museums, four operas, great milongas, and first rate dining. I also went to ten kickboxing classes in the last two months and logged over 160 miles in Central Park since I moved here. I've visited friends and seen more friends here than I have in years. No panic, no anxiety, no depression, and sweat only when I worked out. If there's a competition on the quality of life for first semester law school students I'd win for sure.

And now the semester is over, I walked to a Peruvian restaurant in Hell's Kitchen to celebrate. The last time I walked to a Peruvian restaurant was when I lived in Buenos Aires. The beauty of living in a world class city. No one from school was available to come over. Although I could have called someone, I was happier to go alone. Walking back I thought to myself, being content on my own is probably one of the most important ingredients for happiness. I always knew that growing up but this kind of solitude becomes more apparent as we age, when our friends and peers have settled down and faded into their own lives. Being comfortable doing things alone is a necessity to live a full life. I wouldn't have done 80% of things I did had I waited to do them with other people. Life goes on whether we capture it or not. I'm not willing to let that ride go just because there's an empty seat next to me.

Coming back into my apartment building it hit me again. Thursday is my favorite day in the building. The cleaning person uses the same industrial detergent as the cleaning lady did when I lived in Buenos Aires. What would have smelled offensive to most people turns out to be a sweet sense of nostalgia to me. After all this time of wondering around and not feeling quite comfortable in places I have finally found home. I don't know how long I'll be here or what the future holds but none of that is important. I'm here, now, and it feels like home. I'm happy here.