Monday, January 9, 2017

Grievances and Appearance

There is no shortage of complaints from mommas-to-be, from pregnancy related symptoms to negative body images. The one take away from a prenatal yoga class I attended weeks ago was that I refer not to be in the company of so many complaints. Surely there is comfort in commiseration and often times that's how we connect with one another. Pregnancy and childbirth are serious life events that can be difficult in one way or another for many people. I too have experienced common symptoms such as nausea, fatigue, lightheadedness, shortness of breath, lower back pain, and just general discomfort. It is no fun to wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating leg cramp. Still, I know this pregnancy has been easy on me in comparison and I'm grateful for it. I want to stay positive and truly enjoy this rare moment in my life.

While some people fret about the increase in body weight and potentially appear less attractive to their partners during pregnancy, I really don't share these concerns. I emphasize with those who really do struggle with weight and medical issues but many people I hear from are in perfect health and weight. I remain convinced that who we are before pregnancy and childbirth is who we will be afterwards. We can be transformed and inspired, but fundamentally we remain the same. I never obsessed much over my weight or appearance before pregnancy and seeing my body transforming now doesn't alarm me the least bit. I want to look nice and be at a healthy weight but that's really the extent of my preoccupation. Ultimately I prefer to care about how my body functions and feels, rather than how it looks and how much it weighs.

It wasn't until we started seeing a midwife that I even purchased a scale. I'm not exactly sure what my base weight is other than it being somewhere around 120-125lbs. I now weigh 145 and I feel great about it. Every time I step on the scale now Peter would look on excitedly, hoping to see a sign of the baby growing inside. After all, we would never look at a tree with new leaves in the spring and think it's gaining weight.

I have gradually stopped wearing makeup on a daily basis in the last few years. My skin has never been healthier. I feel good about not having to spend so much time and money on tiny bottles of poison. I also like the fact that since I met my husband after 6 days of hiking with no shower or makeup, I don't feel any pressure to uphold some kind of artificial standard of beauty. Peter sees me bare as I am day in and day out and tells me that I'm beautiful. When I do dress up and get made up occasionally, he gets all giddy and tells me I'm beautiful in a different way. I feel easy around him. I feel easy around myself. It's a beautiful time in my life and I want to keep it that way.

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